Weekend News

People Who Drain Your Energy

Givers and takers.

Every day we run into two kinds of people.

Givers — people who give you energy. People you feel good around, who lift you up, smile, contribute.

Takers — people who drain energy. People you feel empty after meeting. People who complain, criticize, judge, gossip, belittle.

People aren't necessarily in one of these modes all the time. They can be like this on certain days, with certain people, in certain situations — or just permanently.

I have friends who are givers from head to toe. They're a blessing. I have relatives who are takers — not 100% of the time, but it's noticeable.

You and I will probably be both, with certain people, at certain times. But the goal is to be in the energy of giving.

Why is that the goal?

Because when you give, you improve the environment and the lives of the people around you — and you simultaneously improve your own.

The reverse is also true. When you're in taker mode, you damage the people around you while damaging yourself.

When you curse another person, you curse yourself. When you bless another person, you bless yourself.

Simple.

But what happens when you — the giver — bump into a taker?

It's easy to fall into the same behavior.

A driver curses you on the road, and just like that, you slip into taker mode by trading negative words.

An argument can drain energy.

So what do you do? The ego loves to argue, prove, win.

Every time you feel pulled into an argument — stay silent.

Yes, that includes online comments. I almost never respond to comments or messages I get on social.

Here's exactly why: people use your responses against you.

That's why it's hard to have a conversation with a taker. People use words to drain your energy.

I'm talking about people who want to argue, fight, complain, and so on.

The advanced version of a taker is the drainer.

Drainers feed on your energy — the energy you waste on them.

Imagine that when you engage with them, they're taking a piece of you.

And your one job in this world is to protect your energy.

That means stopping the leak. There are a few ways.

First — give up being the victim. That means taking responsibility.

Responsibility for yourself, your emotions, and your actions.

In English the word is response-ability — the ability to control your response. That's your job. Instead of throwing fists into the air, you choose to breathe and keep your frequency high.

You have to understand: when you throw fists into the air — whether you hit or miss — you damage yourself.

Energy drainers feed on conflicts, fights, arguments. What they want, often unconsciously, is to pull energy from you to them.

It's to drag you into their game.

Which leads us to the next step: set a boundary. Ignore. Or stay silent.

This week I was surfing one morning at my home beach in Sri Lanka, and some guy decided to take his frustration out on me because he wasn't catching waves and I was. Embarrassing to write — but it happens more often than you'd think. A 50-year-old man, a strong surfer, turning into a small child when he's frustrated.

He came up and said something like, "You're cute, but you can't come and do this and that. I don't care if you're a regular at this beach or not..."

His energy was very clear.

So I looked at him and just paddled in a different direction. I saw no reason to explain why he was wrong.

I kept my energy.

A boundary can be saying:

• "I don't want to take part in this conversation"
• "This conversation isn't pleasant for me"
• "Let's end this conversation"

But life isn't always that easy, right?

You can't always set a boundary, and you can't always stay silent in front of an annoying person. Of course I fall too, even when I'm aware and want to change.

But I do want to teach you the most effective ways — the ones that require the most practice and the most letting go of ego and "respect."

And here comes humor.

When someone says something to you — curses you, belittles you, whatever — and you manage to respond with humor, a joke, laughing at yourself, that's a double win.

Because it usually pulls the other person out of the state they're in.

Remember that words have power. Abracadabra — words create reality.

When you speak, you create.

So choose your words very carefully.

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