Weekend News

A minute of silence and time with yourself

I'm going to write something unpopular — but I don't see much logic in Memorial Day or Independence Day.

I'm allowing myself to say it as someone who lost his best friend in the war a year ago on November 9th.

I think about him every day. I dream about him a few times a month. I cry for him.

But I don't understand why we need a collective date to mark the death of tens of thousands of people. Especially when there's already a day each year on which we mark the date each person died.

How does it serve us to have a day whose purpose is to be sad?

To remember? Nobody forgets the people they loved who passed.

To say they're heroes? There are no doubt many heroic stories — but is it really right to memorialize the heroism of the dead?

And is it really good to die for our country?

And Independence Day… are we independent?

What's this day supposed to remind me of? That I used to not be free and now I am? But am I free?

What are we celebrating, exactly? That we spend a large part of the year in bomb shelters? In reserves? Carrying out orders from people we don't trust?

War: "People who fight people they don't know on behalf of people who do know each other."

During Covid, they took all our rights away. In every war, they take most rights away from people.

You can't fly. You can't travel far from home. You can't speak against the government. You can't refuse an order. You can't refuse a vaccine. And definitely don't express an opposing opinion.

A free people in our land?

Throughout most of human evolution, people lived in the present. There was almost nothing taking them backwards in time.

And we started inventing things — first, the calendar (which mainly serves those who tax us).

Like a national mourning day, where you flip an internal switch of sadness, depression, and frustration — simply because someone decided to play sad songs on the radio that day, invent the siren, and add depressing ceremonies full of stories from the past.

Sadness doesn't have to come with sad melodies. Those create negative associations with hearing the song on a "neutral" day.

How does the past help the present, if nothing changes?

"We will remember and not forget"?

Seems we're being reminded every day with all the wars "leaders" initiate.

I actually think much of the meaning of these days is self-importance. It's our way of justifying death, dealing with death — or maybe of not dealing with death.

We want to think we're important, or that the people close to us were important. They did something big before they died, or in their death.

They may indeed have been incredible people. But they're not here anymore.

When something is dead, it's over. There's no real need to memorialize. It's mostly comforting for those of us left.

I really love meeting my friend Aloush's friends and family and talking about him. It helps all of us cope with grief.

But when someone dies, they're dead. They moved on. It's part of nature.

The more importance we give death — especially in a collective, national way — the more the collective suffering grows. The deeper we sink into depression.

Why do I need to be sad for someone I don't know who died?

Let's go back to age 13, before I knew anyone who'd died in Israel's wars. Why should I take part in a national mourning day?

Do we stand a minute of silence for someone who died trying to save someone drowning at the beach? Every day many people die, some of them heroically. Why don't we stand a minute for them?

I heard a friend here in Sri Lanka say last week that she cried twice just from understanding Memorial Day is coming up. That's really watching human consciousness be hijacked by cultural ideas.

For perspective — in the US, Memorial Day is a national celebration. Barbecues on every corner. Sales in stores. (I'm not saying that's the right way either — America is totally messed up. I lived there over a decade.)

But it's all about approach.

Putting a country into mourning to memorialize death — in my opinion just continues death.

Because if a day like that glorifies the dead, when will we start talking about maybe it's time to stop fighting? Or stop cooperating with political and geopolitical interests? And with the interests of military arms industries and pharma corporations? Those make a fortune off every round of war.

These are the stories that make us forget the truth behind every war — and that truth is interests.

We all understand there isn't one citizen in Israel who wanted war with Iran, and not one citizen in Iran who wanted war with Israel.

It's all propaganda — stories layered on stories created by people with interests, so we'll accept the theft of resources and money as something with meaning behind it.

So maybe what I'm writing is unpopular — but as someone who's lived here 39 years and sees nothing changes, only gets worse — maybe change will come from us stopping to see the picture the same way.

If you live in the past, it's very easy for history to repeat itself.

If you've lost someone close — I know how painful it is. Believe me. I'd rather we do something to stop it.

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A minute of silence

It's a little crazy to absorb.

The average person — at least those born in the last 30 years — will go through an entire life without a single moment of being in silence with themselves.

A Westerner has the option to be distracted by external stimuli from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep. Mainly thanks to the smartphone.

Everywhere we go — the elevator, the line at the supermarket, driving, the moment before sleep — we're in the presence of something keeping us from sitting in silence with ourselves doing nothing.

The more we're exposed to that stimulation, the smaller our ability to be quiet alone with ourselves.

Worse — it actually turns time with ourselves, especially phone-less time, into a source of anxiety.

Have you ever wondered if you can sit in your living room or bedroom without a phone, book, or TV, and just do nothing for fifteen minutes?

What's so scary about that?

The moment the distractions disappear, reality is revealed. The inner voices we suppressed, the questions about our path, the discomfort with the lives we live — it all surfaces.

Modern technology and culture create an illusion that reality is out there. But the truth is the opposite.

A person who can't sit with themselves without distraction is a person who doesn't really control his life. He's run by the background noise of external reality.

A big chunk of our choices stems from our difficulty being with ourselves: alcohol, drugs, emotional eating, parties, extreme activities, reading, scrolling, social outings — all of these are our ways to avoid the void.

(Don't think I'm against social outings — that's the point of life, at least part of it.)

The more stimulation comes from outside, the less able we are to make decisions or get answers to our own questions.

You have a question — existential or daily-survival — where do you look for answers?

Google, psychologist, friends, parents, mentors, ChatGPT, Voltaire.

But what if I told you the answers to the big and small questions are actually inside?

And all you have to do is — close your eyes.

The terminology familiar to us is a word that, in my opinion, has become problematic. It sometimes creates distance, prejudice, or aversion.

I'm talking about — meditation. Let's set the word aside; it's not necessary.

I'm talking about sitting in silence with yourself the next time you have a challenge — and doing nothing.

Sitting and doing nothing — in the park downstairs, at the beach, in your bedroom.

Just sitting there, for ten minutes, 20, half an hour, even an hour — until you get answers.

Everything that really interests you will surface. Everything bothering you. Every piece of creativity you thought you lost. Motivation. It all comes back.

I feel like the smartphone is destroying my life. Nothing less.

Every few days I reach a point where I'm suffering from the endless scrolling, comparisons, judgment, and pessimism — and I head to the beach in the morning, leaving the phone at home.

And even there, I have to make an effort not to do anything. Just sit there. Not talk to anyone. Not walk. Not swim.

Just sit. And then I remember who I am. I remember what matters to me. Creative ideas come up. I become happier.

And I close my eyes at some point and focus on something. That's called meditation. To really calm the nervous system. Nothing is more important than that in our world.

And I save my own life again, each time.

Meditation saved my life and changed who I am. It keeps changing and improving who I am.

Always? Definitely not.

Some days I get up after a minute, from inner noise. Some days I let myself off and don't practice. And some days it's a blessing.

But there's no day I don't try.

Five minutes is better than nothing.

What's more magical and important in this life than dedicating a few minutes a day to yourself?

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